Vicarious Trauma

I recently ran across a link to this article about Vicarious Trauma which was posted by an individual who works in Southeast Asia with a similar project to the nonprofit I work with. I found it very helpful and interesting to read. After working in Asia for nearly two years with women who have come out of exploitation, I can really relate to what this article talks about. Day after day I see deep pain in women's eyes. I see the look of insecurity and confusion flash across their faces. Even just walking down the street or riding the bus, I am surrounded with people who carry hopelessness in their eyes and a posture that expresses how exhausted they are at trying to balance fulfilling their familial and/or cultural duty and wanting to attain the happiness culture has told them they can buy. 

The abuse, trauma, and lack of love the women I work with have experienced makes me want to weep. It does make me weep. The more time I spent with them, the better we got to know one another, the more each woman became a part of my world. I got to know each of their unique and beautiful personalities and senses of humor. I witnessed their struggles. I saw them grow and journey down the tough road of healing. 

I grew to love each woman deeply and uniquely, and that's why I could really relate to this sentence in the article, "When you identify with the pain of people who have endured terrible things, you bring their grief, fear, anger, and despair into your own awareness and experience." 
Vicarious Trauma is a form of trauma people can experience over time after witnessing other people's sufferings and needs. It is common among humanitarian and nonprofit workers. When you deeply care about someone, and that someone is deeply hurting, you will feel that hurt too. If you are faced with horrible injustices and abuse repeatedly, it is going to start to affect you. We have all at some point had to witness a loved one or a friend go through a tough time and it hurt us to see them in that place. Vicarious Trauma is build up of that experience. It is the result of continual and intense exposure to and interaction with the brokenness in people's souls. 

But as I sit here writing this, I can't help but think of someone I know who has experienced the ultimate exposure to the brokenness of this world. He bore it all so that pain, trauma, and hopelessness would no longer have to be our only reality. You see, even after the things I've seen and experience, even after walking the red light districts of Asia, after seeing little girls and women of all ages with eyes glazed over, after seeing the heartbreaking realities of the poor, the undervalued, the neglected people of this world, I still hold on to Hope. I think I have most likely experienced vicarious trauma. Sometimes the trauma and pain is too much to bear and I just want to run away from it all and shut out the pain. But I will never ever forget the look in a woman's eyes when she is starting to believe that she is loved and valued. 

Direct and indirect trauma is a very real thing. And it is extremely complicated and incredibly difficult. But I refuse to believe that's all there is for us.