Distrac...hey, what's that over there?

I have a problem.

If you are reading this, than you might be aware of what I'm talking about. The design of my blog is a big glaring testament of my problem.

I get distracted.

Actually, I let myself get distracted. And in a way, I even want to get distracted.

For example, I log on to write or post a blog. But instead of clicking "New Post", I inevitably and consistently click "Template" instead. Once this first act of defiant distractableness is accomplished I proceed to spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to get my blog to look "just right".  This "just right", of course, is merely a white rabbit I chase after by trying out new colors, fonts, and backgrounds. But I'm never satisfied, never pleased, because I don't really need to change the look of the page anyway. That's not why I logged on to my blog. But for some reason I let myself become distracted from my original intention. It's easier to put together colors and fonts than words and ideas. I let myself become distracted because a part of me doesn't want to write, doesn't want to process, and most certainly doesn't want to post a blog less than brilliant (being a perfectionist with self-esteem issues is exhausting!). I know I need to write, to think things out, and sometimes to even let myself ramble. But I'm too lazy to think sometimes. I'm too tired to think sometimes. And sometimes I'm too afraid to think. So, I let myself get distracted. I let myself forget what I set out to process in the first place. I settle for Hershey's while I could have Cailler if I was only willing to make a bigger investment. Why is it that I am so willing to let myself become distracted? Why am I so conditioned to opt for the easier, faster, brighter option so much of the time in so many areas of my life? Whether it is relaxing, working, socializing, or learning, I am beginning to lose my patience.

I'm beginning to sell my attention to the fastest - not the highest - bidder.

And today I've decided that I'm not OK that. Because the less willing I become to sit down and process, the less capable I will become to engage with life. And I'm here to live life not to watch it.